


And now I know just what to do

by sherlck (scienceofdeducjohn)



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Trans Male Character, Trans Whizzer Brown, Whizzer is a good dad, basically it's whizzer coming out to jason with some whizzvin fluff thrown in
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-31 09:36:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19423303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scienceofdeducjohn/pseuds/sherlck
Summary: Whizzer comes out as trans to Jason.-Three sets of eyes stare back at him from the page before them; it’s a staged family photo, the one that his parents had displayed proudly in their hallway. They were all smiling, but there was a likeness to Marvin’s family photos pre-divorce. There were the same empty eyes, the same forced grimaces.“I didn’t know you had a sister.”He was also wearing a dress.“You see, Jace, that’s not actually my sister.” His heart is thumping in his chest now, and Whizzer doesn’t know why it’s doing that because Jason will be perfectly fine, he’s sure of it. He’s totally sure of it. Isn’t he? “That’s actually me.” He takes in a sharp breath as Jason meets his eyes, “I used to be a girl.”





	And now I know just what to do

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from 10AM Gare Du Nord by Keaton Henson

“Hey, Whizzer?” Jason asks out of the blue as he lets his eyes trail across the empty walls of Whizzer’s small studio. He’s holding one of the boxes filled with the books Whizzer has decided to keep – Marvin has set up an extra bookcase in their living room to accommodate for his novels, a testament to his growth, really. But even that isn’t nearly enough space for Whizzer’s truly excessive collection. Whizzer notices his skinny arms straining against the weight, and hurriedly puts his own box down to take this particular one from him.

“Yeah, Jason? Here, let me take this one. You get the one with the towels.”

Jason nods before dashing to the box Whizzer has set down, quickly standing up to meet his eyes again. “How come you have no family pictures? I didn’t see any when we were gathering all your stuff. My mom and other dads—”

Whizzer swallows down a sentimental choked noise at the acknowledgement – _God, when did he become so sappy?_

“—they always say it’s so important to remember where you came from and stuff like that.” He pauses, studying his face for a second before adding, “I’m just curious, ‘cause I’ve only seen pictures of you with my dad or friends but not from when you were young.”

“Okay first of all, I don’t know what you’re implying but I am not old, thank you very much.” But a treacherous smile breaks through his words, and he lets it. Then, he bites his lip and takes a breath. “Well, it’s just that…” He trails off, wondering how he should even begin to explain this delicately to his step-son. He’s saved from having to, however, by Marvin’s loud footsteps coming up the stairs to his open front door, and he turns to the welcome distraction. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Jason look apologetically for a second before he’s bursting into giggles at the admittedly incredibly funny way Marvin manages to trip over the doorstep, flailing his arms wildly in the process.

“Fuck!” He yelps, and lands with an unceremonious thud at his boyfriend’s feet. “I _mean_ , uhh, _oops_.” He belatedly adds with a meaningful glance at Jason, though the impact of his correction is disputable considering Jason’s amused grin.

Whizzer sets down his box and helps the affronted Marvin up, failing to stifle his giggles – he blames Jason’s infectious laughter.

“Are you okay?”

“That damn doorstep gets me every time.” He mutters, turning his head to glare at the offending obstacle.

“Good thing I’m moving in with you, then.”

And there’s that smug smile. These days, Whizzer knows exactly what to say to make it appear in order to melt away any possibility of an impending bad mood. He loves making Marvin smile, loves kissing it away after. So he leans in to do just that; it tastes as sweet as it ever does.

“Hmm. Good thing, indeed.”

Whizzer smiles back when he pulls away, sighing happily. He casts a sideways glance at Jason then, to see him halfway down the stairs, box wrapped tightly in his arms.

It seems that all is forgotten. For now.

Whizzer breaks the news to him over breakfast a few days later. It’s one of those early summer mornings where the sun is bright enough to wake one up at a godforsaken hour, the breeze coming in through the open windows still pleasantly cool. In short, as Whizzer knows, the calm before the oppressive city heat bound to make him sweat within a few hours. He’s nibbling on one of the waffles he’s made for them both, but sets it down as he breaks the comfortable silence. “So…”

Marvin looks up from his cup of coffee, eyes snapping open again. The sunlight hits him just right, and Whizzer feels like he’s falling in love all over again. Just like yesterday morning. And the morning before, and before… His chestnut curls seem to glow a dark gold, his features bathed in the soft morning light. He tilts his head, waiting.

“I’m thinking of telling Jason I’m trans.”

Marvin sits up a little straighter, sets down his coffee cup. “Are you sure?”

Whizzer nods. “He asked me about my lack of family photos last Saturday, and I didn’t answer him. He looked so… so apologetic, like he’d crossed a line. I don’t want him to think I’d ever…” He cuts himself off suddenly, and Marvin seems to understand because he huffs a laugh.

“Keep things from him.” He finishes with a grimace, the irony not lost on him.

“Well…” Whizzer looks down at his plate again, starts tearing pieces off his waffle. Until he feels a set of hands slowly taking his, threading their fingers together. Whizzer looks up to see Marvin’s eyes boring into him; sees the emotion reflected deep within them, not quite being able to identify it but recognizing the incredibly _Marvinesque_ depth to it all the same.

“Look,” Marvin says after a moment, “Jason’s a smart kid. He notices things like that, and, yes, he picks up on when you hesitate and translates that hesitation into a million possible answers. The fact that you didn’t answer doesn’t mean he thinks you’re lying to him. And, more importantly,” He squeezes his hands, “it shouldn’t be the reason for you to come out if you’re not ready. And, hell, far be it from me to stop you.” A smile, “But I want to make sure you really want this.”

Whizzer nods, a little teary-eyed at his words. At the implications. Because that’s the thing, isn’t it? Coming out to Jason is one thing, but it means coming out to Trina and Mendel too; it’s only a question of time before they’ll find out through their son. Whizzer loves Jason, and knows he will accept him without question. And he suspects Trina and Mendel will probably have no problems with him, but it might take some time for them to wrap their heads around it. And there’s still that small chance… that _what if_. What if this is the last straw and it means the end of Marvin and his’ relatively good relationship with his ex-wife and her new husband? In other words, the couple that’s currently raising Jason, that could theoretically decide it’s finally enough and cut ties. Would they stop allowing him near Jason? Would they even let him stay in contact with him? And worse, would they stop letting Jason come over to Marvin and his’ home? Rationally though, he knows that Marvin would protest if losing his son anymore than he already had was a likely outcome. He sighs, mind spinning. “I know. But I think I want to. I want him to know there’s nothing shameful about it. I want to be a good… I want to be a good dad.”

“You already are.” He strokes his thumbs across Whizzer’s hands.

Whizzer can’t help it; he laughs. “You’re so sappy sometimes, Marvin.”

“Don’t deflect, it’s true.” He says simply, unflinching at the insult. “You really are a good dad, Whizz. I mean it, you’re a natural.”

Whizzer squeezes his hands and leans over the kitchen isle, trusting Marvin to taste his gratitude in the kiss he plants on his lips.

It’s the next Friday evening, and Whizzer plops down onto the couch next to Marvin after dinner, fingers clutching a thick photo album. Jason’s listening to his Walkman, bobbing his head along to the melodies as he thumbs through one of Marvin’s old comic books. He swiftly reaches up one hand to take off the headphones when Whizzer touches his shoulder to get his attention.

“Hey, Jason, remember last Saturday when you asked me about my family pictures?”

He seems to think for a second, then nods, closing his comic as he eyes the album in Whizzer’s lap.

“Well, I happen to have them right here.”

“Oh!” Jason scoots over, mildly interested but obviously trying to appear more enthusiastic. Whizzer thinks it’s adorable, and judging by the look Marvin’s giving him, he does too. He shoots him a tight smile, takes a moment to breathe down the anxious static building in his chest. Marvin seems to pick up on it, and places an arm around him, squeezing his shoulder. He leans into him, grateful for the offered comforting warmth.

“Now, I just want to say before I open this, that you can ask me anything you like, okay? Don’t feel bad.”

Jason gives him a serious look, frowning in confusion but nodding nonetheless. “Sure, Whizzer.”

“Okay.” And with that, he turns the first page. It’s a picture from him as a baby, exactly as he remembers, sleeping in the crib his father would later often brag about putting together himself. It’s just that: a baby peacefully asleep in a crib, surrounded by a small collection of stuffed animals. Of course, the black-and-white photo doesn’t show that his romper is a bright pink.

“Well, would you look at that,” Marvin teases, “Is that really you, Whizz, sleeping so silently? I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen you not busy rambling about baseball or your superior fashion sense.”

Jason giggles, and Whizzer chuckles nervously, grateful for his boyfriend breaking his own anticipatory tense silence. He half-heartedly elbows him in his side, and Marvin kisses his cheek. “So sorry, dear, please forgive me.”

“Jerk.” And he turns a few pages at once this time, suddenly anxious to move the whole thing along. Three sets of eyes stare back at him from the page before them; it’s a staged family photo, the one that his parents had displayed proudly in their hallway. They’d left it hanging it there long after Whizzer had come out to them, so it effectively served as a constant reminder of his dysphoric past. They were all smiling, but there was a likeness to Marvin’s family photos pre-divorce. There were the same empty eyes, the same forced grimaces.

“I didn’t know you had a sister.”

He was also wearing a dress.

“You see, Jace, that’s not actually my sister.” His heart is thumping in his chest now, and Whizzer doesn’t know why it’s doing that because Jason will be perfectly fine, he’s sure of it. He’s totally sure of it. Isn’t he? “That’s actually me.” He takes in a sharp breath as Jason meets his eyes, “I used to be a girl.”

The corners of Jason’s mouth quirk up briefly, as if expecting Whizzer to throw away the album and yell _gotcha_ , but almost just as quickly they drop and his eyes widen as he seems to ponder over this newfound information. He scrunches up his nose in a way that reminds him impossibly much of Marvin, and takes a moment to take it in. “Oh.” Then, he smiles, effectively pushing a weight off his shoulders. “But you’re a boy now, right?”

“Yes, I am.” Whizzer chuckles, figuring he owes him more of an explanation than that. He mentally pulls up the short speech he’s prepared for this exact moment. “See, I always felt more like a boy than a girl. But I was born with a girl’s body. So eventually, when I was a little older and in college, I figured out that there were more people like me, and that they were called _transgender_. They told me I could go to some specialised doctors who could help me transition to become the boy that I truly was. So I did.”

“Woah.” Jason sits back against the couch, “That’s awesome!”

Whizzer grins at the unexpected compliment, “It is?”

“Yeah, I mean you’re like… Like a superhero. You transformed yourself!”

“I guess I did, huh, kid?” He chuckles, and has to look away, overwhelmed by Jason’s immediate and unabashed acceptance. He can only hope he doesn’t notice the tears in his eyes.

“So is that why you didn’t have any old photos of yourself at your old home?”

“It is. It’s hard for me to look at sometimes, and most of all, only a few people know about my journey. Your dad, some of my friends…”

“And me!” Jason finishes, grinning.

“And you.” He lifts a hand to ruffle his hair, but Jason ducks underneath it as he leans forward to flip another page. Whizzer smiles at his sudden enthusiasm, then turns his head meets Marvin’s eyes; they’re glowing with pride, and he’s grinning that rare grin that makes his entire face lit up, makes Whizzer dizzy with the force of it when it’s directed at him. Whizzer squeezes his hand where it still sits on his shoulder, and turns back to the album with an incredulous little shake of his head; he simply can’t believe his luck to have these two men in his life. In moments like these, they give him so much more love than he could ever deserve.

It’s 11:30pm when Whizzer stirs awake suddenly, his neck, which has been lying in a nearly horizontal angle on Marvin’s shoulder for at least two hours now, stinging in pain. He gasps and sits up, rubbing the sore spot.

“ _Fuuuuck_.” He breathes, blinking against the fading pain. He supposes they’d fallen asleep after deciding to celebrate Whizzer’s coming out by having those extra few glasses of rosé. Looking back, he should have seen it coming; wine always makes Marvin sleepy, and Whizzer has a hard time resisting the temptation to cuddle up against him when he inevitably dozes off.

“Oh, you’re finally awake. I didn’t know if I should wake you guys up or let you sleep.”

Whizzer’s head snaps to Jason’s voice – he has to clench his teeth against the returning stab of pain – where he’s sitting very still on the other edge of the couch. “Jason, what are you doing still up? It’s nearly midnight.”

Jason shrugs and looks back at his comic. “It’s the weekend, and I’m almost thirteen! Dad always says I can stay up until he goes to bed.”

Whizzer severely doubts that, but doesn’t feel like starting an argument after the night they’ve had, so he gives in. “Alright then, but we’re going to bed now. So get your ass to your room, young man.” To add to his point, he yawns as he stands up, beckoning for Jason to follow suit.

After changing into their respective pyjamas and brushing their teeth, Whizzer’s already on his way to pick up Marvin when he hears Jason’s quiet voice again coming from his bedroom. “Whizzer?”

He stops in his tracks at the uncharacteristically small sound of it, and pushes open the door to his bedroom to hover in the doorway. He may, strictly speaking, be Jason’s stepdad, he’s still slightly uncomfortable being alone with Jason when all their guards are down, when there is no Marvin to back him up and break the tension, when it’s just this: a brilliant and fragile young boy and a broken man posing as a father. “Yeah, Jason?”

No reply comes except a soft snuffle, so Whizzer inhales a deep breath and steps in, closing the door softly behind him before sitting down on the side of the kid’s bed. It’s dark, but Whizzer can clearly see that Jason’s avoiding his eyes, instead focusing on fumbling with his hands where they lie on the Batman themed covers. So he waits.

“What did it feel like?”

A wave of surprise hits him square in the chest, and Whizzer lets out a sharp breath as he puts a hand on his arm. “Do you mean—”

“Yeah.” And now he finally meet his eyes and Whizzer can clearly see them filled with fear and something else, something resembling embarrassment.

“Well,” He starts, making sure to keep his voice quiet and light, “It felt like…Like I never quite fit in. I’d look at my friends and wonder what made me so different, all the time. And it was because I didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin. I would look at other boys and be like _, I wish I had your hair, and your eyebrows, and your chest, and your arms_. But on top of that I also wanted to kiss them. So it was all very confusing.” He chuckles, allows a short silence to settle between them. “Did that answer your question?”

Jason nods, but his face is still serious. He can manage to look so serious for a twelve year old sometimes, Whizzer thinks, and he supposes with a stab of guilt that it’s probably to do with the unhappy marriage of his parents, the cheating, the divorce, the whole fuck-up that was his childhood. He waits for him to reply, but he stays silent, hands still twitching around themselves.

“Hey, Jason?” Whizzer bites his lip in nervous anticipation as he squeezes his arm. “Is everything okay? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d love to answer any question you can come up with, but. But, is there, like, a specific reason for your questions?”

“Well, it’s just that…I sometimes feel like I don’t fit in, either, but…” Jason looks back to his hands, whispering something Whizzer can’t quite make out.

He scoots a little closer, until he can properly see Jason’s face. “What’s that, kid?”

“I don’t want to be…” It’s barely a whisper, but Whizzer hears the words loud and clear, and his heart breaks a little when he registers them.

“Hey.” Whizzer softly ruffles his hair, making him look up; he looks guilty and embarrassed, and also incredibly vulnerable. So he smiles his most understanding and forgiving smile, squeezes his shoulder gently. “Feeling like you don’t fit in can have to do with a lot of things. It doesn’t have to mean you’re gay or trans or anything you don’t want, okay? Lots of kids sometimes feel a little lost. It’s normal.”

“Really?”

“Really. You don’t have to be scared about being something you’re not. And if ever you discover that you _are_ , well... That’s okay, too. You can always come to your father and I, and we will always love you just the same. But right now, you don’t have to decide anything yet. All you have to do is choose to live exactly how you want to, without having to compromise what you feel is true to yourself. Okay?”

“Okay.” He sniffles, hanging his head.

So Whizzer leans forward and pulls him into a hug, because he can’t let Jason not be hugged at a moment like this. He feels his heart wrench at the way the boy’s arms snake up around and cling to him, and he swallows. “Just follow your heart. That’s the simplest advice I can give you, and it may sound dumb and cliché, but it’s the only thing that matters. Just pay attention to it, because it will tell you when something’s wrong.” He feels Jason nodding against his chest, and he leans back, hands sliding down his arms. “Feel better?”

“Yeah.” A small smile, but it’s enough to make Whizzer’s heart soar; _he_ did that! He just successfully comforted Jason! “And, Whizzer?”

“Hmm?”

“If I should choose to live like I want to without compromises, I’m going to want ice cream and pancakes tomorrow!”

“Ha!” Whizzer laughs at his mischievous grin, wagging an index-finger at him, “That’s not going to happen, young man!”

The effect of Jason’s pout is somewhat weakened by his giggles, but Whizzer finds himself helpless against it all the same. “Alright, fine, maybe I can convince Marvin to let you have _one_ of those. _If_ ,” He pauses for dramatic effect, fixes Jason’s eyes, sparkling in anticipatory glee, with a look, “you do your homework tomorrow.”

“Deal!”

“Pinky-swear?”

Jason giggles, but holds up his finger. After the gesture, Whizzer yawns demonstratively again and stands up. “Well, you better get to sleep. The sooner you do, the sooner you wake up and get your ice cream.” He winks, and pats his curls one last time.

“Good night, Whizzer.”

“Good night, Jason.” And with that and a final look at the boy, he steps back out into the hall, where a dishevelled Marvin is just emerging from the living room. Whizzer smirks at the way his hair sticks out in all the wrong places.

“Hey,” He greets him, voice groggy with sleep, as he wraps himself around Whizzer, letting his chin rest on his shoulder, “Did you just come out of Jason’s room? Is everything okay?”

Whizzer pats his back, chuckling to himself at how soft Marvin grows whenever he’s sleepy, “I did, and he is. He had some worries. We had a good talk about staying true to your authentic self and shit.”

“Hmm. So he’s okay now?” Marvin murmurs into his pyjama shirt, voice barely audible.

“He is.”

“Told you you’re a naturally good dad.”

“I guess so.” Whizzer cards his hands through Marvin’s curls, then gently extracts himself from Marvin’s tight hold. He meets Marvin’s half-lidded, content eyes. “Thank you.”

Marvin just leans up to kiss him. “Of course. I’m proud of you. Now let’s get to bed because if I don’t, I’m afraid I might collapse right here and now.”

Whizzer chuckles, chest feeling so light and filled with love and gratitude and contentment that he fears he might just float away. Then he nods, and lets himself be led to the bedroom, where Marvin, true to his words, immediately falls onto the bed. Whizzer follows suit, pulling the covers over both of them. Settling in, he feels Marvin wrap an arm around his waist and nuzzle the back of his neck, making a content and sleepy noise that can only be described as _Marvin_. He closes his eyes, and with a pleased sigh covers Marvin’s hand with his own.

Then, he lets himself be dragged into a long, blissful dream of boyfriends and sons and unimaginable amounts of love and acceptance.

It’s almost as good as reality.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enoyed this little fic! I was actually writing another whizzvin fic but I got stuck. So naturally I decided to write another trans!Whizzer fic. And five days later, he we were. Anyway, lmk if you liked it!!
> 
> Disclaimer: I purposefully described the concept of being trans as simply as possible, considering Whizzer is explaining it to a twelve-year old. Which might be why it's not the most delicate phrasing sometimes. I'm sorry if I unintentionally offended anyone, though speaking as a trans person I do hope I did a quite alright job.
> 
> You can also find me on tumblr @scienceofdeducjohn


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